Expand this skill you already have and get everything you want in life
Giving, loving, and being happy are inseparable actions
Let’s talk about the secret of getting everything you want in life.
Suppose you just finished a meal with your friend, and you are on your way home. The snow was heavy, and the road was dark. You walked underneath a bridge, and you saw two children sitting there. You were curious, so you talked to them. You noticed the temporary shelter they built. They have lived there for a few weeks, and their father went looking for food. You have some leftovers you took away from the dinner, some salad, a sandwich, and mashed potatoes. What would you do?
It feels good to give
If it were me, I would give the food to them. That would be a reasonable thing to do since I have plenty of food, and they happen to need some. This was a true story that happened to my friend. When he told me about it, he was excited, happy, and grateful because he chose to give.
When you realize that you are capable of giving, you find significance in yourself. But when you know you are valuable to others, don’t forget how valuable they are to you. Without them, the value you hold is of no use. So before they respond in any way, their acceptance of your help already helps you recognize your value. They made you feel good, and that’s the first value they give back.
Make giving a habit
I once had a friend who was going through a major setback in life. Unfortunately, I wasn’t compassionate enough to listen at the time. So, I judge the situation based on my theory of how things should have been. I said what’s on my mind in total honesty, and it was downright hurtful to my friend. Although I meant well, the fight began, and I’ve broken the trust. In the following months, whenever I have a chance, I choose to provide value to this friend, whether a compliment, an offer to help, or some gratitude. Slowly, the trust grew back, and the argument became only a tiny bump we hit on the road.
Life is not a zero-sum game
This was not a trick. I choose to give because I sincerely believe that by giving, I gain more. You might ask, “Do you give only to take?”. Yes, and no. What I gain is often not taken from the person I give to, but from the new values we later created together—for example, stronger friendship and emotional support. And the best part is, giving is fun, and it feels wholesome.
Love is inexhaustible
To love is only a decision to act, nothing more. If we are talking about money, time, or any other resources, we can choose to be generous, but we do have limits that we can give. If you donate everything you have to the charity, you will be broke. If you spend all your time on your children’s education, you will have no time for your own dreams. But there’s one thing that you will never run out of, and that is love. You can always choose to love, to do whatever you are doing in a loving way. But, you might say, “What if I don’t receive enough love? Doesn’t that make me low on love? When I don’t feel love anymore, can I still love?”
If you ask yourself, “how can one love?” You can probably come up with a hundred ways. For example, a parent reading bedtime stories for their kid is to love; A friend holding a surprise birthday party for you is to love; A husband listening to their wife’s complaints is to love.
Love is a verb, not an adjective.
Love is essentially to give value to others without asking anything back. Loving is giving, and giving doesn’t mean you are any less afterward. In contrast, you become more. You might even create new things so you can give. For example, starting a business and creating new solutions is one way; growing yourself to help others more effectively is another.
You do not need to feel loved in order to love because you always have something to give. You might feel difficult to love from time to time because of emotional downturns, but you know it’s eventually up to you to keep loving and keep giving. And the ways to love simply never run out.
Change your perspective so you can love
But don’t push yourself when you don’t want to. Next time, when you are exhausted and hopeless, focus on finding your motivations back first. Use your logical mind to inspire your emotional minds. Get back to a loving state where you feel joyful and naturally want to love. For example, knowing your love doesn’t run out, and you do not need to wait for others to love you first is only logical thinking, but it could help you feel independent. Reminding yourself of how others have helped you in different ways is only logical thinking, but it could help you feel cared about. Changing your perspective is also called a paradigm shift. Choose to see things in a particular way that can help you act and give because you know deep down that’s the path to a happy life.
Creating values is the secret
When you are the person who’s always giving values, it’s hard for people not to give back. It’s not about trading what I need for what you need. It’s about having the character to give. When you create values for others, everyone benefits. And in whichever area you choose to create value, you will harvest in that area.
You’ve been doing it all along
What are the values you have been giving to others? Sometimes even unconsciously? What more values can you consciously create for others? How does that feel? Can you think of one particular thing you can do today?
When you are in the position to give, love, and be happy, you will have no choice but to receive more positive results in return.